Boredovacationitis: Does your child exhibit the symptoms?

By Alex Carr

Published in the Valley Roadrunner newspaper, August 2007

Every year around this time a frightening number of American children are stricken with a condition known as Boredovacationitis. Medical science is unsure what causes the mysterious ailment which is why, if you recognize any (or heaven forbid, ALL!) of the following classic symptoms in your child, for goodness sake do NOT contact a health care professional. Let me tell you what to do because, not only am I nearly in the eighth grade, I am also a former Boredovacationitis sufferer.

The most obvious warning sign of the disease is an immense lack of physical energy demonstrated by lying motionless on the floor and moaning that “there’s nothing to do.” The child may also complain of severe pain in the area of the thumbs coincidentally very similar to what would happen if one were to play a videogame for 10 hours straight but is actually a sure indication of premature arthritis (by 50 years).

And by all means do not brush aside a child who insists that “monsters” or other hallucinations are out to get them. This recently happened to a friend of mine as his entire family was sitting peacefully at the dinner table. His little brother merely raised a butter knife to cut his baked potato when my friend screamed, ducked and cried, “We’re doomed! All DOOMED!” He is currently undergoing extensive psychiatric treatment at Microsoft General Hospital.

In the most severe cases a child may become so bored that he or she wishes they were actually–brace your self–BACK IN SCHOOL. But such a condition has never been documented in any American child.

Luckily, this author has extensive experience with Boredovacationitis and is here to help with the following ideas:

According to long time educator and author, Vielka McFarlane, “You have to motivate and stimulate [children’s] minds and bodies. You have to provide them with choices and opportunities to expand on the classroom knowledge they gained during the year. Have them build a kite, a bird house, a boat or even a Lego structure. Building accesses spatial temporal reasoning and improves fine motor skills. More importantly, most kids get absorbed in the process of creation.”

For sports-minded kids, enroll your kid in the upcoming “British Soccer Camp” taking place at the Valley Center Middle School August 6-10. Your child will be coached by a an actual British soccer pro who will work individually with them on foot development, game related techniques and more. This is a good way to get a leg up (no pun intended!) for those who wish to play recreational soccer this year. Get more information at www.challengersports.com or call (760) 751-1379.

Do something fun with your family like go see the free concert by the classic Rock & Roll band, Rockola, presented by the Valley Center Parks and Recreation District from 6-9 p.m. July 27 at VC Community Hall. Remember to bring your blankets, chairs and picnic baskets.

Let’s not forget our own Valley Center Library which is hosting a free Mystery Movie Night at 5 p.m. every other Wednesday. You can also join the library’s summer reading program. Just go to the library and pick up a reading log. VC head librarian Sandy Puccio said, “If you make your goal, you get a chance to win cool gifts like an iPod, a digital camera, gift certificates, books and more.” Also, coming up August 1, the library will host an Exotic Animal Show. Want to know more? Call the library at (760) 749-1305.

Now, if you really, absolutely, positively HAVE to play video games, at least make it a social occasion. See if your mom or dad can borrow a video projector from work, hook it up to your console and fill an entire wall with your games. Have some friends come over and play all night long until your mom or dad comes in and tells they’re starting to regret borrowing the projector! I do it all the time and they’re always the best parties.

Finally, parents, I know I’m being a traitor to all kids everywhere by saying this, but before letting your kids play video games, make them do something they are less likely to do on their own. For example, for an hour of music practice or reading (not Simpson comics!), I “buy” an hour of game time–which is where I’m off to right now because I just earned TWO hours for writing this!

Alex Carr, an award-winning writer and filmmaker, will be an eighth grade student at Valley Center Middle School. Contact him at www.carrfamily.com.